What shall I eat? Food, of course - but what kind of food? I know this looks like a silly question, and that I'm very lucky to even be able to ask it. But ever since I started cooking, which was several decades ago, after I got married the first time, I've had some sort of framework for deciding what to make for dinner (breakfast is pretty much routine, and lunch often seems to take care of itself). And that framework has always involved cooking for other people as well as myself. I did enjoy what I made - but what I personally wanted to eat was almost never the main thing I thought about when I was deciding what we would have.
Of course, after the boys left home, there would be the odd stretch of time when Harvey was away, but I tended to have a few set things I always made then because I liked them and he didn't - things like vege curry and some Albanian dishes. He was the same when I was away, he'd indulge in pickled pork and tinned tongue and those round beef roasts stuck together with skewers.
But now it's a different story. I'm just not used to having only myself and my own preferences to consider. Quite often, of course, I'm having one or more people to dinner, and making what I think will work for them, and then there are usually leftovers and I eat them quite happily. But otherwise it's really odd how difficult it can seem to decide what I actually do want to eat. There's always cost to consider - I'm not rushing off to buy fillet steak or blue cod every day, not that I'd want to anyway. Still, within reasonably broad limits, I can get what I want - if I could only know what that was...
I've started trying to pay attention when I have even a slight yen for something. I find that when I do manage to work out what I'd like at that time, and go to the effort of getting and making it, I enjoy it much more than when I just vaguely make do with whatever seems easiest or happens to be on special. And now and then it's actually okay to throw away the last helping of something that won't freeze well, or wasn't all that nice to start with, or I really don't want to have again, and get something fresh to eat instead - or just have a poached egg, if that's what I fancy.
PS - to Susan who posted a comment on Saturday on my Lois Daish post, asking for Gina'a no-knead bread - I have the recipe and have put it up on that post for you to see. Must try it out myself!